Just answer the questions. I’m not giving you the answers.
1. If you had to choose between insomnia and acne, which would you choose?
2. How old were you the first time you operated a motor vehicle? Was that legal?
3. Have you ever been in jail?
4. Has your photo ever been in the newspaper? Why?
5. What do you like best about your favorite holiday?
6. What do you like least about the day after?
7. Why do aliens always land their UFOs on farms and only abduct and talk to people who call duct tape duck tape?
8. Have you ever used duct tape to tape a duct? A duck?
9. Do you laugh when you notice grammatical errors in the newspaper?
10. Do you even notice?
11. Has milk ever come out of your nose?
12. Do you wear white after Labor Day?
13. Do you wear chartreuse after Armistice Day?
14. Do you get more homesick away from home or sick of home when you’re there?
15. Is there ever an instant when it’s not raining somewhere? Explain.
16. Is it mongooses or mongeese?
17. Have you ever chopped down a tree in a national forest?
18. Have you ever confessed to a federal crime… before now?
19. Is it legal to speed if you’re taking someone to the hospital?
20. Would nurses ride to work with you if the hospital was near a police station?
21. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. What do you feel like when you don’t?
22. Have you ever tasted a gooseberry?
23. Have you ever tasted a goose?
24. Is there such a thing as girlsenberries?
25. How long does it take you to shower?
26. How happy are you that your epidermis isn’t transparent?
27. Where do individual socks go when they get lost?
28. Why do socks never get lost in pairs?
29. Have you ever refused to kiss someone who wanted to kiss you?
30. Did you ever go on a date with someone you did not like at all?
31. How long have you ever held your breath under water?
32. Did you feel that being under water was an incentive?
33. How do you like your eggs?
34. Do you feel that going 450 miles per hour 33,000 feet in the air gives you the right to complain about the food?
35. Has an airline ever misplaced your luggage?
36. Do you find it hard to stand when you are completely relaxed?
37. Do you hang things in your closet according to color?
38. In your sock drawer are your white socks on the right or the left or mixed in? Why?
39. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
40. Why aren’t pants and skirts called overwear?
41. If nothing worth having is free, and, the best things in life are free… does that mean that the best things in life are not worth having?
42. When was the last time you were pulled over for speeding?
43. No one is really pulling anything; why is it called being "pulled over"?
44. If an optimist sees a glass as half full and a pessimist sees it as half empty, what does a pessimist see when it’s completely full?
45. When life hands an optimist a lemon, he makes lemonade. What does he do if it hands him a kumquat?
46. Did anyone ask you if you wanted daylight savings time?
47. At what time of day are you most sleepy?
48. How come Mexico and Spain get to hog the idea of siesta?
49. Did you vote in the last election, or are you the one we have to thank for this mess?!
50. If people from other planets are smart enough to have mastered space travel, why would they come here?!
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